Case-Study Background:
Samuel and Geraldine, a young, married and childless couple, live in a spacious four-room flat in Pasir Ris. While they epitomise the high-flying lifestyle of the younger generation of adults (they have their busy schedules to prove it), they are trying for a baby.
Other than having been told by their gynaecologist that Samuel’s sperm count hovers around average levels, nothing significant lies in the way of them conceiving a baby.
Although the couple’s home can boast of tasteful furniture and the latest appliances, it lacks a certain natural and soft feel to it, such as the parquet flooring for instance and hard chairs in the living room. Everything appears harsh, especially when there isn’t a carpet. In essence, with all the space available to them, sex seems only probable in the bedroom. But there too lies a limitation. The bed, while fitting the couple perfectly for sleep, does seem a tad too small to allow being adventurous in sexual positions.
Couple’s Profile:
Number of children: Nil
Home: Four-room flat
Frequency of sex: Twice a week (if lucky!)
Goals: Samuel wants his wife to be more spontaneous and adventurous. Geraldine wants more sex to improve chances of having baby. (Point to note, Geraldine has never experienced an orgasm before!)
Samuel: How can I get my wife to be more spontaneous? She needs to go through a routine of having a shower each time and it does kill the mood sometimes. Dr. Love: She needs to know the importance of smell as being a form of sexual trigger. Many men, like you, adore the body odour of their partners, so explain to her about it! You can also try jumping into the shower with her!
Your bathroom may need some props and the right atmosphere, so both of you can hit it off from there with some foreplay or lovemaking. Here are some suggestions on what you might be able to use in the bathroom. Get a basin of the right height so that Geraldine can have something to sit on while you stand in front of her. Some waterproof, plastic inflatable pillows may be good as cushions as well. You can try some swings to hang from your ceiling if your ceiling is solid.
Samuel: While I like lacy and silky lingerie, my wife thinks she is allergic to the material and is not really keen to wear them. What can I do?
Dr. Love: There are always alternative materials if she is really allergic to silk or lace. Otherwise, ask her what materials she feels comfortable with and you can always get the designs you fancy. Some couples enjoy tailoring their nighties with silk, so you might want to try that! You can discuss openly with Geraldine about what you like and I am sure she will understand at some point in time that visual stimulation is important for libido in men and women. Talk to her and show her the difference of how you can get your hormones together if she sees your perspective.
Samuel: Why is it so hard for my wife to conceive even though we have been told that we are able to?
Dr. Love: If your gynaecologist has ruled out any organic pathology with regards to infertility, you should then focus on keeping yourselves healthy, fit and happy about your sex lives. The frequency, quality and quantity of sex should be optimised at least six months before conception together with a well -planned diet and exercise program. Do not let the pressure of conceiving affect you. It is important to be baby-smart before nurturing smart babies. Take the pressure away and focus on good communication and quality intimacy with Geraldine.
Geraldine: How can I get him to understand my moods?
Dr. Love: Samuel should attend some of our workshops on hormonal mapping which will provide more insight to the various changes of a woman from food cravings, water retention, energy threshold to mood fluctuations throughout the hormonal cycle of a woman. Be patient with him and slowly get him to see the cyclical pattern of yourself throughout your hormonal changes. Many men do not understand because they do not experience cyclical changes that belong to a woman and thus cannot relate to the changes in a woman’s body. A man’s pattern of change is more likely to be of a day-night kind of cycle.
Geraldine: I want to lose weight to feel sexy. How can I do it effectively?
Dr. Love: You might like to know that sex is also a great form of exercise and you will certainly feel sexy when it is done right. It is also important for you to know Samuel’s perspectives as well, such as what he thinks about your body. Talk about it openly. Every man has his own preference in bodily physique and sometimes such preferences can change. Samuel may feel that you are very sexy as you are. Once you know your partner’s perspectives and have more insight about why you want to lose weight, you will be more compliant in your weight- loss program too. Make lovemaking part of your regular fitness regime and you will be surprised how well it can help you tone up your body, especially the abdominal muscles.
