Intimacy.
What is it? It is indeed a funny thing and it can actually be almost read as ‘into me you see’. What are you seeing? What am I seeing? What are we sharing?
‘Into me you see’ is in fact the answer to the question: “What is intimacy?”
There is a misconception that intimacy is very much all about sex. It really isn’t. There is quite a distinct difference, as sex is something that you do, not something you are, whereas intimacy is something you are, not something that you do.
In tantra, intimacy is the sharing of oneself, your secret self, and not just any secrets, but those secrets that are yours and yours alone until the time comes for you to be intimate with your beloved. To be intimate means that you will eventually have to reveal those secrets.
In tantra, intimacy is about being open with yourself and with another. The deeper the intimacy, the more open the relationship and, to get to the space that is known as true intimacy, we have to confront and break through the barriers of uncertainty. We need to be aware of the repercussions, recriminations and resolutions that striving for true intimacy brings. Finding the truth about being intimate means we have to come to the realisation that we all go through our lives with at least one best friend – someone who is loyal, understanding, lovable and never leaves our side.
They are there in times of need, sorrow or great joy. They like the same movies you do, read the same books and listen to the same music. When you are hungry, they will always share a meal with you, because they like what you like. They enjoy the same sports that you enjoy and even follow the same football team. When it comes to politics, their views are your views.
This relationship is compatibility at its most profound; the relationship you have to have. The reason for this is that the person with whom you are having this relationship is, of course, you yourself.
Me. We. Ourselves.
Which brings us to the crucial question: “Who is this person: ‘me’?”
Who am I? Who are we? What is it that makes us who we are? What has become part of our lives so closely that we cannot shed it?
Past, present and future.
What really happened to us to bring us to this point? Consciously and unconsciously, what do we actually remember – or don’t remember?
What are those aspects of our life yesterday that impact on our life as it is today?
Which factors contributed to the manifestation of our persona? And once we start to unravel the pieces, do we really know and understand who we are? Or more importantly, do we like ourselves?
Look into the mirror; it is a huge source of enlightenment. What is this reflection? Is it really me? When we look in the mirror, are we looking at the inner or the outer person?
And when we gaze upon our own countenance, is there love between us? Is there love in our hearts?
Love for Me. I. We.
Is there love when we connect with whatever it is that we are feeling? How much is it a secret between us and the mirror? How much of our stuff have we looked at, dealt with, shared or let go?
Intimacy is not only the sharing of oneself with another, it is sharing of oneself with ourselves. It is the most profound method of healing our soul, for when we hold onto our emotional baggages, especially the bad ones, it stays inside, deep down and locked in.
For most of our lives we feel fine, except for the pain that arises when we are reminded of the fact that it is there, when it is triggered by a remote response and it is known as an unfinished business. The best way to relieve the pain of unfinished business is to go through the process of expression with another. This is intimate-relating and it is the way we strengthen our relationships, especially the relationship with Me. I. We.
And you.
Who are you?
What is it that lies underneath your exterior? Below the surface? Behind the mask? Your mask.
To varying degrees, we all have masks. Some can conceal the real person within more than others. When we go out to face the world, we put on our masks, especially when interacting with others. We do this so that people won’t see who we really are, let alone our secrets.
What is it that you choose to hide from the world and why do so, especially when all we really want is to see the real you?
When it comes to intimacy, what we see on the outside is not what we experience on the inside. In other words, we are not our bodies. Our bodies are the vehicles that carry us, that is you, around. Who you are is not what we see. You are what hides, lurks and lives within. So when looking at you, another person needs to transcend your outer shell and move through the form to your core that is yourself…
The inner you.
Getting to the truth of who you are behind the mask of superficiality takes courage. But once you transcend the fear and move into the space of true intimacy, all your relationships will be transformed. This is because you and your beloved are no longer afraid to share all that is on your mind. You have become confidants with each other and as a result, your relationship will deepen.
And all that follows will be beautiful.
